More old-school NES nostalgia… you know you need it, need it like a junkie needs heroin, like a monkey needs a banana, like I need a real job.

Today’s topic kiddies, is Godzilla: Monster of Monsters. You know Godzilla’s kind of the Jesus of the Japanese monster circuit. King of Kings, Monster of Monsters… Sony gats!

In this delightful game you can live out your fantasies of being big, unpopular and smashing stuff. YOU, yes you, control Godzilla and Mothra who are battling Planet X’s army of monsters in order to save Earth. I thought Godzilla was a heel?

Anyways… Godzilla is super-strong and his punching-kicking stylings look a hell of a lot like break dancing. Funky fresh! (cause that’s what the kids are saying, know wudda mean?) Mothra flies… but tends to get it’s ass destroyed pretty quick. Mothra’s main offense is molting on enemies. Lame, daddy-o, lame! This game is very strategic, much like chess. A gameboard is set up representing a planet. Mothra and the big G have to move across the board, fighting through enemy territory and trying to make their way to the next planet. Our monsters are opposed by icons of super-famous Godzilla movie enemies. All your favorites are here! Hidorah, Gezorah, Smog-O and Zeppo. You fight these fun boys in rounds, like a boxing match… except to the death!!! Once you get past them you take over the planet’s base. (All Your Base Are Blah Blah Blah) So… we were talking about chess. The screen looks like a chessboard. Godzilla can move 2 spaces each turn and Mothra moves 4 and so forth. So, if nothing else, playing this game will make you cultured (or understand geometry). Truly, this is the thinking man’s video game!

This all leads to a big showdown on Planet X… it’s gonna get bloody. Well, not really, when you beat a monster they slowly sink off the screen in a shower of stupid fireworks. Lousy PG violence! Monsters play for keeps… where’s the blood?

The game gets kind of monotonous, but I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of seeing Godzilla kick some mutant RIGHT IN THE FACE. The graphics are tres cool for their era. I mean, I really think these might be the best graphics I have ever ever seen in a NES game. No kidding. That’s my opinion. I know some might find it controversial, but I’m a man of strong principles. My only complaint is that Mothra is a total spazzie. Son of Godzilla should have been in this instead. He’s so adorable & marketable!!!

The game also has a really cool ending with broken English! The Rulers of Planet X are dishonored, and they vow to return and get defeated and return again. They talk about dishonor and pledge to return again, and again, and again, no matter how many times they lose. It’s a great shill for the sequel, but alas, none was ever made. Stupid Pokemon craze hit and Godzilla faded from the limelight of monsterdom. Life is so unfair. You were always the best Godzilla! You, not Pikachu. We love you Godzilla, we all do.

Bottom Line: Hours and hours of monster smashing fun. Get this game and don’t leave your home for a month. This game will make you believe! Believe in monsters! I believe, take me away to Magic Monster Land.

-Future

What Other Staff Members Think:
Tobita: Yeah! Game finally made for Tobita play! Planet X home to Tobita enemy all! Dream come true vanquish all nemesis. Tobita believe too! All blood monsters flow like sake!!! Yeah!!!

Warhol:  If that boy Godzilla would just stand still for a minute I could get a nice snap of him.  Ooh!  In a pink feather boa against a wall of lavender pantyhose.  Ooh!  Yum Yuuum!

Shameless Plug:
Buy a Godzilla movie instead like this one
or buy this crappy game on eBay

More Information On Godzilla:
Gojira
Godzilla.com
Temple of Godzilla
Godzilla for Kids
Godzilla for Dorks
Godzilla Fandom
Godzilla Ate My Balls (how original!!)

I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT GODZILLA.

Is it true a new “ Godzilla “ movie is comming out Memoral Day 2004 ?