Let me pose a question: What is Denny’s most known for? The answer of course is that inseparable duo: Coffee and Cigarette. Even now as I sit in this booth; Coffee sits in its white mug, steaming, and next to it lying on its side is Cigarette. You might be surprised to know that it has not always been this way. There was a time when these two friends lived far from each other, separated by oceans in fact.

Coffee first made it onto the European stage in 1602 as a result of trade with the Turks. I know what you’re thinking, but they were not a super-hero group, nor were they in a video game (as the first video game was not invented until 1607 by the evil Dr. Rainier) They were just some guys from the Ottoman Empire, sadly all that’s left of this empire is a collection of foot-stools. Well, coffee was a big hit on the scene. Especially in London. I think because it rains all of the time there, so people are naturally sleepy a need a stimulant.

At this time Tobacco, an ancestor of Cigarette, had been on the European scene since the 1500’s. Tobacco was mainly smoked in cigars and pipes. From historical reports, it appears as though Tobacco was a well-liked fellow. Sir Walter Raleigh knew good old Tobacco quite well and is quoted as saying, “That Tobacco, what an amiable chap.” Tobacco may have had some exotic value because he was a native of the New World, and probably spoke with an accent. It was not until the 1800’s, when Tobacco met Paper that little Cigarette was born, on July 22, 1842.

It took no time at all for these two to meet up in a Parisian café. These cafes where known for as ‘hang-outs’ for ‘artists’ and such. It soon became de rigueur (or ‘day rigors’ to the uneducated) to smoke Coffee and drink Cigarette, or is it the other way? No matter. A team was born.

Then war broke out. Two of them actually. WW1 was a great opportunity for the duo to fight evil as they had always been meant to. They were such a success that soon all of civilized society was inviting them to parties and to dinner and sometimes brunches.

In 1929, on black Tuesday, the stock market crashed. Coffee and cigarette were there providing jobs for the poor. Throughout the 1930’s it was this twosome who supported America, and the world on its back. It provided not just American jobs, but also gave third world countries a chance to work, and smoke, and be caffeinated. WW2 broke out. The evil loomed over the earth, waiting for someone to make a stand. It was Coffee and Cigarette who first frowned at the German invasion of Poland in 1937. When the French surrendered, like they do, it was Coffee and Cigarette who formed an underground resistance. Coffee kept the Russians from losing their energy as the Nazis killed millions of them, and Cigarette provided them with a cool, refreshing break after battle. And it was Coffee and Cigarette who, forming themselves into volatile chemicals through the powers of science, blew up Hitler.

When WW2 was won Coffee and Cigarette first went on a tour to Japan, Germany and Italy. Through the diplomacy of the duo, they were shown the error of their ways, and peace reigned. After this Coffee and Cigarette settled down in New York. You may remember them from such paintings as Nighthawks at the Diner, by Edward Hopper.

It was at this time that Cigarette started killing people. It is not known why he became this way; some say that he had been reading Nausea, by Sartre, and ‘just freaked out’, as Coffee is reported as saying. Fortunately Cigarette is only partial to killing the old and weak, and has never killed babies. In the 1980’s Coffee and Cigarette began to feel a bit alienated from one another, what with the killing and all, and broke up. This saddened the world, as cafés began to ban Cigarette from entrance. In the 90’s a most crushing blow was dealt to Cigarette, bars in California, banned Cigarette from their businesses. Last but not least, all domestic air travel was off limits. Around the globe people began only seeing Coffee, and never Cigarette. It is now infrequent to see the two together for most people, but some people are known to see Cigarette more than 12,000 times per year.

* Note: It would be negligent of me not to say something about Creamer. Though it would be difficult to write an Entire Biography on Creamer (for her beginnings are clouded), it is important to say that she has shared an intimate knowledge of Coffee, wink-wink. At this moment Creamer stand in a pyramid, next to Coffee. Ready to merge into its black depths. All that is known of Creamer is that she is somehow the child of Milk.

-Dr. Babykicker

Other Resources For Coffee & Cigarettes:
Buy coffee stuff from Amazon.com
Buy coffee stuff from Barnes & Noble
Buy Barfly from Amazon.com
Too Much Coffee Man
I Need Coffee.com
Coffee and Cigarette Art
Can coffee protect smokers against bladder cancer?
As Long As They Have Coffee And Cigarettes In Hell
Views From Jack Kerouac Alley
Jim Jarmusch’s Coffee And Cigarettes I, II, and III
The History of Cigarette Marketing
Nifty Old Smoking Ads
History of Lucky Strike

superb post!!!! very informative one.