Hi, I’m the Future, and I’d like to say a few word on gourmet dining. See, Hollywood Denney wanted me to tell you fine people about my qualifications. I like food, and I like it cheap. I have a cast iron stomach, and I can eat ANYTHING. A friend of mine once gave me a week old sausage pizza which I let fester in my room for a another week. I ate it and proceeded to get sick. But did this stop me from finishing the whole damn thing? Hell no! I got food poisoning. And those are my qualifications.

I’ve been vilified as a cheap son of a bitch because it kills me to shell out any more money than I have to on anything. I prefer to think myself frugal. Work smarter, not harder I say.

For example, I will simply not allow myself to be besmirched by paying for overpriced luxury items like Spam. I prefer the elegant dining experience of Potted Meat Food Product. It’s 23 cents for a small can or about 45 cents for Super Jumbo Happy Fun Can and is available at your local Wal-Mart or pet store.

It’s supposedly a spread, but I eat it straight from the can. Bread costs money, and I’m economic, remember?

This manna of the gods is made from (reading from label) mechanically separated chicken, tripe and partially defatted fat tissue (of what animal it doesn’t say, Yeti I presume. Tripe gets a bad rap, and so does fat tissue. Hey, at lest it’s not cow anus (which is what they put in the kids hot dogs and breakfast cereals these days.) It looks like liverwurst and smells like cat shit. Just don’t smell it, okay? Pinch your nostrils and don’t complain. It’s cheap.

Cheap = yummy.

I think it tastes like chicken flavored liverwurst (two favorites in one scrumptacular dish!)

So, all in all, you get what you pay for. For some measly change that you might have wasted on tissues you get a satisfactory meal. So if you care not for quality, don’t care how long you live or spend all your money on cigarettes like me (hey kids, I’m a role model!) than this tripe’s for you!!!

-Future

Other staff:
Tobita: Ick! Can no destroy this monster. Tobita surrender, never show Tobita ick again!

Warhol: It looks like something I glued some boxes of Tide together with.  Grotesque, really!

Shameless Promotion:
Buy This Delight at Wal-Mart

Other Potted Meat Resources:
The Potted Meat Food Product Tribute Page
mmm...Meat Products
Other Potted Meat
Dave Barry’s take on Meat Products
Space Ghost’s take on Potted Meat
The Wonders of Canned Food

I am, have been and always will be a Potted Meat lover. Straight from the can or on bread...YUM YUM!!